(Un)Just Desserts (A postcard--one shot)
Author: bana05
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“I want the truth, Whitney! Just tell me the truth, all right, because no matter how you feel about me, I can’t—I’m—I’m still in love with you! . . .”
What have I done to deserve this—this-this man professing his love to me after all I’ve done to him? I’ve lied to him, lead him on, and sometimes treated him little better than the gum on the bottom of my shoe, and here he is, in all of his righteous anger, asking me, “when did I fall out of love with him?” telling me he is still in love with me? It’s not fair! Can’t he see my heart breaking for him—for us? Can’t he understand I hurt for him because he is in love with a child that isn’t even his? And it’s not some sick and twisted love, the kind of love that has an ulterior motive, the kind of love he keeps telling me Chad has for his own child. No . . . Fox loves my baby independent of me, because that baby has parts of me . . . and (he thinks) of him. Because he did what I couldn’t do in the nine months of my pregnancy—bond with him. Fox always knew it would be a boy . . . always said he wished “our” boy looked like me. Well . . . he does, doesn’t he? My coloring, my dark hair . . . maybe my eyes, but I haven’t looked into them yet. I can’t, I can’t see this beautiful baby boy and know that Fox is not his father . . . and I so wish he were.
Damn it! Why? Why? Why couldn’t my mother not be a drug-addicted drunk whore and fall in love with Julian? Why couldn’t Julian be a man for two lousy seconds and stand up to his father and stand by my mother? Why couldn’t Alistair just get over the fact his white son loved a black woman and not steal Chad and make my mother think he was dead? Why couldn’t my mother not be a liar . . . why couldn’t my father forgive my mother . . . why is Aunt Liz filled with so much hate? Why does my sister hate me?
Why do I hate myself?
Why do I hate my baby?
Why do I love my baby so much I confuse it for hate?
Why won’t Chad go away, and why the hell did he adopt his own baby?
Bastard! He ruined everything! My baby was to have a normal life, not to be adopted by his own uncle-father!
. . . My life is a disaster . . . I am a disaster . . . and yet, here Fox stands, with those sad, conflicted brown eyes, declaring his love for me, his desire to help me even through his rage . . .
I don’t deserve him . . . I don’t deserve his love . . . and I don’t want to be around when he realizes it.
So I walk away.
“Fox, I’ve told you everything I can . . . please accept it . . .”
Surrender_foxney
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